Able-Bodied Etiquette

What’s an able-bodied person?

An able-bodied person, colloquially known as a “normal” person is someone who is usually capable of unassisted bi-pedal locomotion. Don’t be alarmed if you see an able-bodied person moving quickly, they will be fine. Shocking I know but it’s true, they will be fine. Able-bodied people often have the use of all five senses making them particularly vulnerable to sensory overload, as a result they can often be observed being incredibly absorbed by one or two things, such as their mobile phones, otherwise completely oblivious to their surroundings. This obliviousness often results in minor injuries, such as bumps, bruises and scrapes. Fortunately the able-bodied don’t have compromised immune systems and heal from these injuries quickly.

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Oh No! I’ve come into contact with a normal! Am I going to die!?!?!

First, calm down you aren’t going to die. Second, it’s incredibly rude to call someone a “normal” (even if they are). Some Proper English Nouns Instead of Slurs (PENIS) that are acceptable include: PWAD (Person Without A Disability) Able-Bodied Person, and finally, person. If you are aware of another PENIS that we haven’t mentioned please feel free to let us know. Now that we’ve got the very important terms sorted out, back to less pressing matters. No, you won’t die if you’ve come into contact with a PWAD.  Able-bodiedness is not contagious. Chances are at least one of your friends, family members, or coworkers is a PWAD and you’ve already spent an extended period of time with them.

I didn’t realize Able-bodied people were so common, what can I do to make sure I’m not oppressing them with my Disabled Privilege?

If you suspect your mere existence is making those around you feel uncomfortable, don’t panic. Stop doing what ever it is that is causing problems. This could be as simple as getting out of your wheelchair before you get together. If you are missing an arm or leg, be so kind as to get a new one sewn on, or even better, grows a new one. Small gestures like these show PWADs that you respect their feelings and values as a fellow human.

What can I do to make life easier for able-bodied people?

Well for starters, you can leave your disabled privilege at the door thank-you-very-much. Able-bodied people are often very upset if they see someone different. So you can help prevent that by wearing long clothing to hide any prosthetic appendages, the same applies to assistive devices, such as canes, walkers and wheelchairs, keep them out of sight.  It is also advisable to try to stay out of the way of able-bodied people if you can help it; they are very oblivious and could hurt themselves on your equipment, or worse, stop and ask you lots of questions.

I’m still concerned that I’m making Able-bodied people uncomfortable, what can I do?

Well, if you may or may not have noticed, an able-bodied person’s biggest fear is becoming disabled, that and spiders. But everyone hates spiders. Able-bodied people fear what they don’t understand, and they really don’t seem to understand how our lives can be so difficult and painful, thus they fear us. If staying out of sight and out of mind didn’t work to calm the able-bodied people in your life, the only other guaranteed solution is the obvious one: Stop being disabled. Act as though you too, are an able-bodied person.

So that’s it! Just follow those simple guidelines, use the PENIS method of political correctness and you can’t possibly go wrong!