The Supervillain Guidelines
In my quest for
World Universal Domination, I have learned from the mistakes of other evil overlords and have compiled a list of guidelines that will ensure my success as a Supervillain.
I will not be seduced by the Heroine with the Rockin’ bod. (however I may be seduced by the Hero with the Epic Beard), No one is perfect.
I will rule as a very eligible bachelor, free from the distractions of such foolishness as “love”.
I will allow my henchpeople to unionize and treat them fairly so that they are less likely to betray me, after all a stable workforce is a helpful workforce.
who doesn’t want a stable and productive workforce? Besides adequate compensation is such a problem in today’s job market, I must remain competitive.
This means I will not send my henchpeople to their certain doom without the proper benefits packages.
Life insurance, health packages, Stress leave et cetera.
I will ensure that any and all gloating monologues are said only after my Dastardly Plan has been completely and irreversibly implemented.
My Dastardly Plan will feature no overly dramatic Rube Goldberg-esque start up sequences that can be easily stopped with the slightest interference, after all efficiency is its own reward.
My Doomsday device will not be revealed until after the apocalypse.
If no one knows of its existence, it cannot be stopped. If I cannot be stopped I cannot lose.
I shall be a benevolent overlord.
The public must believe that I only have their best interests at heart. This will help prevent any uprisings and/or rebellions. Hiring good PR is important. #NotASuperVillain should become trending ASAP.
Any prophesy, vision, tapestry of fate, or precognitive event, predicting my downfall shall be sealed away, hidden from the general public, and appropriately prepared for.
And yes I’ve seen Minority Report I’m not going to let that scenario play out either.
I shall not let the infinite power I wield go to my head. Or my Ego.
I mean have you seen MODOCK? Or Brainiac? or Trump? swelled heads aren’t sexy.
I shall remember my humble beginnings
and look back on these guidelines often.
Above all else, any and all plans shall be reviewed by a team of small children.
Everyone knows that most super villain plots have flaws so obvious that small children can find them. Any flaws that these children discover shall be rewarded with espresso shots and puppies. After the flaws are fixed I shall have the perfect plans.